I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
