yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
