Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
