your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
