I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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