dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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