I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i don't like sucking hair
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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