Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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