It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
