Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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