his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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