i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i've created a new STD.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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