I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
vagina is talking i cant
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
