Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
