I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
