We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
