if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
zippers are such a cool invention
people are starting to question the shark bite story
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
