New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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