Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
