you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
