Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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