I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
