I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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