we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
