32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
