woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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