She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
