moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
