My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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