There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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