i don't like sucking hair
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She announced her abortion via fbk
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
