No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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