I'm so fucking centered right now
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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