New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it's like iHOP with fire
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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