he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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