He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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