After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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