I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
