YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just invented taco cereal.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Alive.
So much puke
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
