dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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