That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
