so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
