I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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