he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
