I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
