i was rollin on her like bob the builder
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also, beer. Big fan.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
