I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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