I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
