Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
