my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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