When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
